Cornell Lacrosse on Wall St. (also, Alumni in the prose)

[Swampy]

Speaking about assessing potential deals that came across his desk at the philanthropic firm formerly known as Goldman Sachs, Antonio Garcia-Martinez writes (towards the bottom of the article):

Peering into these deals was kind of like the zoomed-in penetration shot in a cheesy porn video: you could barely tell which end was up, which part was which, or, more importantly, who exactly was screwing whom. The quant aspect didn't really matter at the end, as one lacrosse-playing Penn graduate would agree on price via phone with another lacrosse-playing Cornell grad, and life would resume its speedy course to another deal.

I knew lots of players on the basketball team majored in "Applied Economics and Management" but didn't think this was also true for lacrosse. I see now that this department is now named "the Charles H. Dyson School of Applied Economics and Management" after Mr. Dyson's son, John, donated $25M. Of the elder Dyson, the press release announcing the school says:

[He] went on to earn a college degree at night, serve in the military, and work for the U.S. Department of the Treasury, where he helped organize the International Monetary Fund. He later co-founded Dyson-Kissner-Moran Corp., which became one of the largest privately held companies in the U.S. and was a pioneer in the field of leveraged buyouts.

The press release goes on to quote Susan A. Henry, the Ronald P. Lynch Dean of Agriculture and Life Sciences,as saying,

Charles Dyson was a visionary and highly accomplished business leader,

no doubt feeling this redundancy was appropriate for the occasion. (Author's note: even being on Nixon's Enemy List does not automatically qualify one as a visionary.)

Glad to see the lads go on to make such positive contributions to society. Keep up the good work boys!

BTW,what ever happened to Ag. Ec.?::wtf::