How I might die

OK, so I did this Death Psychic thing as a lark (as opposed, I guess, because I thought it could predict the future.

The prediction for how I will die: While walking near a construction site, an open box of nails is dropped from several hundred feet above your head. You are impaled by hundreds of rapidly-falling nails, turning you into a human sieve.

Frankly, I think the death would be hard enough on my family. They don't deserve having to endure the pointing and chanting. Particularly when it clearly wasn't my fault at all.

Good grief! I thought this was going to be humorous and I got death by suicide bomber at an outdoor cafe.

While driving, you impatiently tailgate a slow-moving semi. Without warning, the semi slams onto its brakes, and you slam into the back of it. A second semi, which happens to be impatiently tailgating you, slams into the back of you, crushing you between the two semis.

Given my penchant for reckless driving, I think this is spot on.

While in a hardware store, a strange man picks up an axe and attacks you with it, dismembering your body.

I guess I won't be going to Lowe's. Menard's or the Home Depot for awhile.

Here's a shocker:

While drunk with friends, you fall down a flight of stairs and break your neck. Thinking you've simply passed out, your friends ignore your lifeless body for hours.

After an altercation with a resident of a retirement community, you are beaten with an oxygen tank and dragged through the complex by a convoy of personal mobility vehicles.

A gas leak in your home causes a major explosion, killing you in the blast.

On the plus side, this means I won't die for a while, and my profession will have nothing to do with it - woohoo! ...I think.

A crazed man in a hardware store fatally attacks you with a large wrench.

Much worse than an axe.

Edit: Thought I put this under the original post.

While driving on the freeway, you're cut off by a truck, and your car veers into the concrete median, killing you instantly

I don't know if I like that one so much. I have had dreams and feelings that I would die in a car crash. They were a long time ago, and I drove off of a bridge while driving a Porsche in the most memorable ones, so this must be wrong. I also only typed my first name, so it can't be that specific.

I would much rather believe the last Fortune Cookie I had after one of the people I was dining with told us you have to add "in bed" to the fortune. It told me my charm and personality would bring me success.

David Harding
A crazed man in a hardware store fatally attacks you with a large wrench.

Much worse than an axe.

oh yeah? I was beaten to death in a hardware store by a guy with a large hose... not really sure if I'm proud that my death will be weirder but hey I guess I can prepare for the inevitable now.

Just stay away from Stavromula Beta. You can't die until after you've been there.

jtwcornell91
Just stay away from Stavromula Beta. You can't die until after you've been there.

As if you'd know before it was too late.

You are bitten while tormenting a sickly-looking squirrel. You die from rabies days later.

[www.amurgsval.org]

My favorite was always Harlan Ellison's contribution to the discussion. He suggested that the worst way to die was by slipping on a freshly-mopped kitchen floor and landing, face first, in a drainboard full of freshly-washed steak knives with the blades facing up.

It was not, he said, the worst way to die because it was so painful or because it was so undignified. It's the worst way to die because someone's going to have to wash the knives again.

Beeeej

Was it a Canadian hardware store?

I know for a fact I can't die until we win the national championship. It's a sort of cut rate Highlander deal.

But it's good to know how it will happen: [Q]After haggling over the price of meat, an enraged butcher whips you to death with a large beef tongue.
[/Q]

Trotsky
I know for a fact I can't die until we win the national championship. It's a sort of cut rate Highlander deal.

I hate to be the one to tell you this, but you were alive for the last Cornell championship. You should have been paying more attention when The Oracle was talking. Stay out of the butcher shop. Or at least just take the price you are quoted.

As the unfortunate target of a serial killer, you're beaten and tortured for days. While you're still alive, your body is put into a meat grinder and ground up

Well now....

Pace
As the unfortunate target of a serial killer, you're beaten and tortured for days. While you're still alive, your body is put into a meat grinder and ground up

Well now....

Stay away from Beeeej.

I'm just saying.

edit: I always forget how many e's

ugarte

Trotsky
I know for a fact I can't die until we win the national championship. It's a sort of cut rate Highlander deal.

I hate to be the one to tell you this, but you were alive for the last Cornell championship.

So, the "wooden wall" was Brian Cropper?

I die peacefully in my sleep:

You are the victim of a home robbery and are shot in the head several times at point blank range while you're asleep

OK, maybe not so peacefully.

What's the difference as long as you don't feel it? Not to conducive for an open-casket funeral, however.

Since no one's posted this one, yet:

You become trapped in an outhouse and die from hours of noxious fume inhalation.

Guess I'll try to stay in the Northeast....

ebilmes
Since no one's posted this one, yet:

You become trapped in an outhouse and die from hours of noxious fume inhalation.

Guess I'll try to stay in the Northeast....

Well, you *are* going to the North Country for school next year, right?

Trotsky

Pace
As the unfortunate target of a serial killer, you're beaten and tortured for days. While you're still alive, your body is put into a meat grinder and ground up

Well now....

Stay away from Beeeej.

I'm just saying.

edit: I always forget how many e's

Another friend of mine also once forgot how many e's.

Once.

Beeeej

Beeeej

Trotsky

Pace
As the unfortunate target of a serial killer, you're beaten and tortured for days. While you're still alive, your body is put into a meat grinder and ground up

Well now....

Stay away from Beeeej.

I'm just saying.

edit: I always forget how many e's

Another friend of mine also once forgot how many e's.

Once.

Beeeej

Fargin' icehole. (and jerk.)

My unrelenting heckling of a prop comic drives him to beat me to death with a toilet seat. Meh. Sounds about right.