mascot head missing

Just got an email saying the mascot head was stolen:


We would like to ask for your help in an issue that occurred at this past Saturday night's basketball game against Brown. The head for the Cornell mascot was stolen during the second half of the game. This mascot is used at numerous events to support our student athletes, in addition to several Cornell events of which it is very popular with small children.

Cornell Athletics would simply like to have the mascot returned in its original condition. It can be returned directly by contacting Matt Coats at 607-255-1814 or can be left anonymously in a safe location with a phone call to Cornell Police with its location for pick-up. If it is returned safely, there will be no disciplinary actions or charges filed. However, if the perpetrator does not return it and is caught, the issue will be dealt with on a legal basis. The incidence has already been reported, and with a $1500 value on the head portion of the mascot, the offense will be charged as a felony grand larceny. We would like to avoid this, so if you or a friend has the mascot, please return it.

Thank you very much for your assistance in this matter.

That's no way to get ahead in the rankings...

[/austinpowewrs]

Probably a bad thing to make a joke about, but...

My money's on Bart Simpson. Sideshow Mel must've made him mad.

I know that for one of the football games in the late '80s, one of the bears got the head stolen as the students stormed the field for "Seniors on the Field." It was recovered shortly thereafter. Then it was just a wrong place/wrong time situation.

Maybe a visiting Brown representative was upset that there's another school with a bear mascot in the league?

I know this is completely beside the point and I'll catch heat for it, but an official representative of the Athletics Department should know how to write better than that. "...help in an issue that occurred"? "...in addition to several Cornell events of which it is very popular with small children"? "The incidence"?! Seriously??

exactly what about the actions and conduct of the Athletics Department would make you believe that?

Beeeej
I know this is completely beside the point and I'll catch heat for it, but an official representative of the Athletics Department should know how to write better than that. "...help in an issue that occurred"? "...in addition to several Cornell events of which it is very popular with small children"? "The incidence"?! Seriously??

I was also troubled by the wording and creative grammar in the release, I couldn't tell if the mascot was wearing the head at the time of the heist, and, if not, why he was not wearing it in the second half of the most important b-ball game in the last twenty years. If he was wearing the head, shouldn't he be able to identify the perp? If not, shouldn't he be charged with negligence for leaving the head lying around?

I he/she was wearing the head at the time of it's theft, then I am quite impressed with both the skill and daring of the assailant.

Since we're in GrammarNazi(tm) mode, I'll remind you that "it's" isn't the possessive form of "it."

This is true. However, for the record, I was not the person that criticized the grammar of the athletic office, though I did call into question the general intelligence of said office.

I know. I wasn't trying to bash you specifically, I was just being silly. If you don't believe me, check out the timestamp.

Sorry, I've got it here on my desk. I'll bring it back next chance I have.



(Note to any Athletic Department personnel who may be reading this: That was a joke. There are witnesses and photographs that can place me in Princeton, NJ, at the time the theft occurred. Please do not send the police after me. Thank you.)

evilnaturedrobot
exactly what about the actions and conduct of the Athletics Department would make you believe that?

It took me a minute to realize that you were responding to me, since you did so in flat view but didn't quote my post.

Exactly what about my post would make you believe I thought that quality writing is the norm in the Athletics Department, as opposed to a talent I wish they had?

Josh '99
(Note to any Athletic Department personnel who may be reading this: That was a joke. There are witnesses and photographs that can place me in Princeton, NJ, at the time the theft occurred. Please do not send the police after me. Thank you.)

I didn't see nobody.

ftyuv
I know. I wasn't trying to bash you specifically, I was just being silly. If you don't believe me, check out the timestamp.

oh, I assure you that I have had nothing but silly in mind throughout this exchange.=)

Beeeej

evilnaturedrobot
exactly what about the actions and conduct of the Athletics Department would make you believe that?

It took me a minute to realize that you were responding to me, since you did so in flat view but didn't quote my post.

Exactly what about my post would make you believe I thought that quality writing is the norm in the Athletics Department, as opposed to a talent I wish they had?

Ah, as I told ftyuv, I've just been being silly. When the subject of athletics comes up on this board, I assume that we all pretty much share the same negative opinion.

DeltaOne81

Josh '99
(Note to any Athletic Department personnel who may be reading this: That was a joke. There are witnesses and photographs that can place me in Princeton, NJ, at the time the theft occurred. Please do not send the police after me. Thank you.)

I didn't see nobody.

You can deny it if you want but there's a picture of it on Facebook, and everybody knows that once something is on Facebook it can never ever ever ever ever be permanently deleted.

Does anyone know if the mascot head was returned? I was really sorry to read this.

It was recovered, sadly not atop the clock tower.