ELynah Forum

This isn't about bands, this is about the time that Marty Bair took me to the Silver diner, just after getting over his fear of driving on highways, and let a watress spill water all over me.

Marty's reading but not responding?  That's the Marty I know: too scared to say anything, ever, in public, but in person, he's a raging ball of anger.

I hope you remember that you stole intellectual property from ABC news, Marty, because I certainly remember, you thief.


- Gerber Baby '04

Yo, Marty Bair, is he your biggggggg hero?  Oh yeah, well I know stuff about Marty Bair that would chill your bones.

Sure, you all think that Marty Bair is the type that would give you a heart transplant even after you've kicked him in the nuts, but did you know that his dog constantly kicked his ass every day?  The kid showed up to school wearing long sleeve shirts and when he rolled them up (on few occasions) he revealed massive claw damage.  Just remember that.

Oh yeah, and the nicest guy in the world eh?  Sure, he'd give me a ride home despite living across town, but his car was dirty and smelled bad and sometimes I had to drive around with his ghetto sister AND sometimes wait a whole 10 minutes because of her.  That's not the American Way.

Role Model?  It was well known that when he couldn't finish his lab reports on time, he tracked down the physics teacher at his home and FORCED him to take his assignments AT GUNPOINT and later encouraged other younger children to do so.

Besides this, he is an incompetent trumpet and doesn't know how to wear a beard.  Oh yeah, and his dad doesn't allow any horse play in his pool.

Oh, the kicker?  On applying to schools (if you couldn't infer this already - some of you ARE from Colgate - Marty and I went to the same high school, where he was a year older than me...anywhoo) he said he only regretted one thing: "My parents made me choose one school to apply to between Cornell and Colgate and I chose Colgate.  Man, a lot of times I wish I picked Cornell.  Don't make the same bad choice I did."

Where's your God now, Colgate?

-Gerber Baby, '04